Creating New Habits to Combat Self-Doubt and Negativity.

I sat down at my computer yesterday morning and head swirling coupled with self-doubt began almost immediately. I was bouncing from tab to tab (so many open), reading emails then clicking to websites that simultaneously inspire me and cause me to question my life’s purpose. Nothing like a mental cascade of regrets to start the day.

As I longingly scrolled through pictures of someones’ kitchen remodel in Brooklyn NY, which happens to be in a neighborhood where we came ridiculously close to buying an apartment 15 years ago (regret #1), I realized that I can either feel envious or restructure my life to create envy for others. I’m kidding. I can either hold onto that terrible feeling of envy by falling victim to the comparison game (which we all know is no fun at all) or I can design steps to propel myself to a place where I am more content with my circumstances. I do not mean settling. I mean working towards realizing my potential while silencing the nagging voice of self-doubt along the way. Today’s to-do list morphed from an old-fashioned pen on paper string of tasks to a full-on hopefully life-changing blog post.

Here goes. I’m reflecting on how I felt yesterday, and truthfully, how I have felt on many days throughout my life. Lost, without purpose, overwhelmed, scared, and like I’m failing in every aspect of life. Sounds fun, right? Well, from the many conversations I have had with friends over the past few months, I am not alone. So, I’m outlining a few short-term and long-term objectives for myself, and perhaps my words will help some of you break out of a rut and remind us both that there is no looking back only pushing forward. Contemplating ‘could have been’, is one of my most unproductive habits. Let’s not dwell on the past or dissatisfaction with the present but rather take daily steps towards a fulfilling future.

Here is the list of habits I have studied and would like to adopt. Success will likely come with regularity of practice.

Create rituals. I have read much about the power of rituals. Truthfully, I long for ones that I can commit myself to daily. Well, it’s time to stop longing and start ritualizing! I’ve begun drinking warm milk with honey and massaging my feet with oil each night to improve my troubled sleep at the suggestion of my friend who is an Ayurveda wellness coach. I look forward to doing both of these things at the end of each day and they have helped my sleep quite a bit. Win-win. Establishing meaningful rituals is crucial to nurturing both body and mind. I’ve found that self-care too often falls to the bottom of the list or is simply forgotten. Feeling well cared for and energized will undoubtedly lead to productivity. My goal is to start a morning ritual that will involve getting up before the kids. Eek. I’m going to try it even though I struggle with rising early particularly during the cold, dark months. The idea is to create space for reading, writing, meditating, going for a walk, stretching or any number of things I don’t find time for in the course of a day. Since I can’t regularly find the time to do things which are meaningful and beneficial to me, I’m setting out to create the time. Wish me luck.

Visualization. This may have to become a daily ritual. There are numerous studies showing that visualization is a powerful tool in terms of realizing goals and aspirations. Athletes, performers, attorneys, designers, and many other professionals visualize their wins and successes before doing the work. It seems so simple and it actually can be, but the trick is to be specific. No general happy thoughts. To work, you really have to hone in on what result you hope for and visualize it happening in detail. Note the smells, sounds, lighting and emotion in your mind’s eye.

Writing EVERY DAY. I don’t, but I need to. I can’t call myself a writer and not write. I think about my blog, potential essays, and a book I want to write yet I haven’t committed myself to a practice of daily writing. Sounds like another ritual I need to begin! The truth is, there are times when the words and ideas are free-flowing and other days where everything processes in my thoughts and I don’t set aside the time to put things on paper. So many ideas and dare I say words of wisdom have been lost.

Affirmations. Ok, so this one feels borderline hokey to me. It makes me think of Stuart Smalley from SNL. “I’m good enough, I’m strong enough and doggone it, people like me!” This is area where the discomfort of doing something is where the growth happens. I do not want to look in the mirror and say positive things to myself about myself. That sounds terribly awkward and fortunately, it’s not necessary. Simply reciting positive phrases aloud will influence the subconscious away from negative self-talk which studies show, make up 80% of our daily thoughts, 80%! That’s a lot of negativity. Supposedly, affirmations retrain your subconscious and allow you to change your thought patterns and behavior. Sign me up! Some great affirmations that I came across while doing research are:

• Everything in the universe is working for my good
• My mind is clear, focused, and energized
• I know I can accomplish anything I set my mind to
• I am choosing and not waiting to be chosen
• I am the architect of my life; I build its foundation and choose its contents

I hope my musings are mildly helpful and motivational. I am certainly no expert and I am speaking from an aspirational viewpoint, not as someone who has figured it all out! My suggestion is to start with one daily ritual and one affirmation then go from there. That’s what I’m going to try. Oversetting goals will only lead to disappointment. Trust me, this I know.

Good luck and remember, baby steps.

Thanks for reading and please share your successes and what is working for you!